Here are a few hilarious things I’ve overheard my husband tell our sons that turned out to be great life lessons. It seems like Dads don’t always get enough credit today, so let’s take a minute and say thanks to all those great men in our lives.
1. Always handle your business
I’ve heard him say this in many situations — before spelling tests, before he competes in a sporting event, on the way into the bathroom…
2. Never, ever wear cowboy boots with shorts
This is a helpful piece of fashion advice. When our kids were little, this was a great look, always inviting random high-fives and “awwws” when were out in public. Now that the boys are getting older, they go to dad for advice on what to wear. There have been countless mornings they have come downstairs after I have dressed them, only to be sent back upstairs to change their ‘ridiculous outfit.” I hear the reverse often happens in other households.
3. Never more than three shakes after you pee. Don’t make it weird.
I cannot speak to what actually occurs when my husband shows the boys how to stand up and properly pee in the toilet. All I know is there is some sort of “dude magic” that happens and all of a sudden, they know how to do it. (Of course there are spills and thrills along the way.)
4. Of course you are mad, but you have to find a better way to be mad. You can’t hit, especially in the junk.
Several things going on here — one is the discussion about anger and how not to hit people in anger. The other is a man’s love and admiration for his own junk — the care and protection of the junk is passed down from generation to generation.
5. Wash your face first with the washcloth… then wash your other parts.
Hygiene, it’s important. Teaching someone how to actually CLEAN their body is a step in parenting I had never really thought about. As it turns out, after a little closer attention to… ahem, detail… this is an important bit of knowledge.
6. Three squirts of cologne… max! Believe me, I’ve tested this theory.
The future women and men in our sons lives will thank Dear Dad for this one. We have all been around the WALL O’ COLOGNE that about knocks you over when you run into it. Hopefully this lesson will not need to be tested and will just be accepted as ‘how it is supposed to be’.
7. Who cares what that kid said about your Spiderman lunchbox? Next time he gives you a hard time, tell him you didn’t ask what he thinks and move on. If it continues, then you tell a teacher or you tell us. You totally got this, but if you need help, then we’ve got this.
Bullying — boo! I love this big lesson tied into such a little event. Hopefully these little knowledge bombs will take up space in their minds and hearts and they will be prepared to 1) not bully 2) help anyone being bullied.
8. Fart all you want, but if you keep your farts in the bathroom, you don’t have to say excuse me. If you fart outside the bathroom, you have to own it and say ‘excuse me.’ The choice is yours.
Always good to have options! Bodily functions are a BIG topic of conversation at our house. It is a good thing my husband and I find this stuff hilarious.
9. “I’ve seen better arms on a snake!”
There is something about the brotherhood of men that says I can pick on you, but no one else can.
10. In this house, we cheer for the Cornhuskers.
Loyalty. Everyone has a team, ours is just better. 🙂